Be my Death or My Forever

Black and whitee photo of a blonde woman and a woman with long, dark hair hugging and outside
Short haired woman holding her arm out in front of her. Her hand shows off a ring that reads, Bad AssWaking up to find my pillows and face soaked from the immediate pain resulting in crying, usually goes away rather quickly when the fantasy begins. The feel of my athame penetrating Anne's throat starts playing on the big screen in my mind which leads me to the question of who can be sad when the thing they lust for most makes its appearance? "Yes dear, she will feel our wrath. Do you have any ideas?" Rowan pops up whenever the chance of revenge presents itself. "I have many ideas. Not sure how I'm pulling it off aside from beating the shit out of that ugly whorebag."  I say matter of factly.  "Ah, ah, ah."  My mother warns as she shakes her finger back and forth.  "Be smart, kid. Don't get yourself in more trouble. You have an active protective order on you. Fighting in public isn't smart."  Feeling my temperature rising I throw my hands up and let the tears fall. "I don't know then, mother! Since you know all how about you give me an idea!"  I don't know why I am mad at her. I'm just aggravated and horribly heartbroken.  

A drawing of a black guitar pic that reads Rock and Roll in white lettering

"Liz, you're intelligence is clouded by your troubles and heartbreak. Listen to mother and hold your temper. Throwing hissy fits gets you nothing. Being blinded with rage is a disadvantage. Always treat people, including your enemies with respect. Having a clear head allows the manipulation to flourish. Never show your fear or weaknesses, including your damaged feelings. And, keep your enemies closer."  Rowan stood there in front of me with her arms crossed and a smug look on her pale, dead lips. A smile soon formed on my face when I received her advise loud and clear. I am glad to have her guidance.  "Time to rock and roll, kid."  My head nodded in agreeance.

Window of a wood burning stove in the shape of a heart. Fire insideAs if we could be friends a warm feeling came over me. I considered Bryn my only friend aside from Preston. The church communion is full of gossip even though I love the nights at Brynlee's house when we have our secret, self-pleasure meetings. If I were to see any of those ladies out in public, I would most definitely speak to them or have a drink, whatever the case may be. But calling on them for advice or drama in my life situations don't include any one of them. I am a teacher, therefore, I am a teacher of all things I expert in. Sadly, this only includes how to be confident with your partner in the bedroom and to utilize the most natural way to find relief from headaches, stress, promote relaxation, clear your chakra pathways and to make yourself feel sexy all while doing your whole body a favor. Masturbation. I teach the merits and how to's on masturbation. Suddenly Rowan interrupted my self-loathing party.  "We are going to house hunt. You're getting evicted."  Rowan's statement alerted my adrenaline but before inquiring could come out, a knock on my door was probably the answer. 

Black and white photo of light haired girl holding out her fist to the cameraMan in white shirt looking down. Dark hair in a wide mowhawk in the middle. Wearing lots of jewelryOn the other side of the thresh hold was my uncle Frankie, in the dirty flesh, donning a fake smile on his grungy face. I didn't welcome the creepy feeling he gave as the identical shade of blue eyes as my mother's swept my body over. "Wow. Liz, you have grown the fuck up!" Frankie was too excited to greet his niece. I wiggled from the tight embrace he wrestled me into. "Uncle Frankie! I didn't know you were out today." I broke our hug and distanced myself from him so he could keep his pervy hands to himself.  "I actually got out yesterday. I was supposed to go crash at this lil' dope whore's crib but she flaked on me. I crashed out at a different whore's house that I met at the Plum." Rubbing his crotch as he finished the last sentence. "Neat." I said dryly. He followed me into the kitchen, looking around at his once home. "Well, you've changed this place but kept ma's touch. I like it." Uncle Frankie moved from room to room but his knock-off Dolce and Gabbana musk lingered. Spraying Febreeze behind him, I had to find out his plans. I am not sharing my home with this crack pipe. "So, what are your plans now? Job, house, a vehicle?" Faking a smile I sit two cups of coffee on the coffee table pretending to care about his future. Uncle Frankie took his cup and proved that you can chug steaming coffee. He must have noticed the snarl my upper lip formed and the brow that instantly dropped at my disgust at the scene. "It's warm but good."  Sitting his mug down he stretched his arms on the back of the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. I didn't hesitate to swat his shoed feet off. Uncle Frankie abided and smiled at me. "Come over here and cuddle with your uncle like you used to do as a girl." He patted the cushion next to him like he has done this before. "Ya know, uncle Frank, I think I'll pass. I have to get ready for service now. But stop by anytime, okay?" Standing in front of him now, I was urging him with my mind to get the Hell out of my house.

bible sitting on wood round table, white roses on top of it and a white chair in the back Laughing, he stood up as well."What do you mean, 'stop by anytime' Liz? This is my home. I'll be stopping by every day, babe."  His smart ass smirk was inviting the black blobs to form in my forehead. Closing my eyes to urge the calmness to accompany me, I finally spoke after my stomach stopped its flip-flopping. "But, uncle, Frankie, this is my home. Grammy V left it to me."  I kept my voice as calm and matter of fact as I could. Laughing more, my uncle walked to face me directly. His eyes narrowed and his head bent slightly so our noses almost touched. "This is my home, little girl. My mother left it to her children. Your whore mom is dead and you're not her child. Grandchild doesn't count legally, sweetheart. Re-phrase your sentence so it doesn't make you sound like a moron." He pinched my cheek and I fought the instinct to break his fingers. I was too angry to respond and my imagination was running wild as I struggled for a solution or a comeback. I failed to produce one and I stood in shock as he did a walk through as if he were a buyer. 

Woman in ball cap with long, dark, wavy hair looking out over a cliff. Only the back of her visible.My uncle let me know he stopped in my bedroom when his voice echoed loud enough to reach me. "I see you took the master. I can give it up until you find yourself a permanent home." Feeling my face imitating standing in front of the fiery gates of Hell, I became speechless at that moment. Luckily, Rowan chimed in playing my voice of reason. "Temper, temper, dear will get you in trouble. Let the idiot think he's in control. Use him. His perverted, incestuous hands will come in handy. Trust me, Liz. Quiet lips will bring you a fortune." Convincing my adrenaline to slow its temper down I processed my mother's words. Finding myself actually thankful to have her advice, I felt a sense of protection from her for the first time in my life. Accepting the plan to use his dumbass to my advantage I walked in my bedroom and positioned myself in his path, guiding his body into the hallway.  "Thank you for allowing me time to find a place, uncle Frankie."  Following my lead, he returned my smile. He appreciated my kind words. After staring at me with wandering eyes, he spoke in a low, seductive tone. "You may not be a bad roommate, after all, Liz. Take as long as you need, honey."  Giving my dimple another pinch, uncle Frankie made the few steps down the hall to find the empty bedroom. I'm sure he purposely let the heavy oak door shut loudly. Not trying to conceal my noise, a loud exhale of relief escaped and my pale blue eyes found my mother lounging, with a wide smile on my bed. I returned her smile as I gathered my things for the church.

Red neon sign on a black backdrop reading, Today I Love You In light of uncle Frankie arriving, I've been given a huge wrench in the wheel of the revenge plan Rowan and I have concocted. I was not prepared for a third target. Since Sebastian is blinded by Anne's jealousy tactic, my work was already cut out for me making my task difficult to execute anyway. "Sebastian, baby."  I telepathically plea. "I love you. This has gotten out of hand and the good in you is confused. We belong together, Sebastian Patrick. This isn't stopping us, this isn't the end. You are going to be a huge part of my life, babe." Tears stung my retinas in conjunction with a knot forming in my esophagus. I wonder how long the agony will last. How do I make this go away? Turning my thoughts back to the love of my life, I give him a choice. "Be my death or my forever, Sebastian."


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