Confidence



"Where do you find your confidence?" "Have you always been proud of your body?" "Does anything embarrass you?" "Did you say you never had oral sex with your husband?" "How do you initiate these things?"  

These are all questions thrown at me during the conclusion of Bryn's party. I stand there in the spotlight at the table holding sex toys, anal toys, bondage gear, sexy garments and I am surprised as I am pleased with the results. These gals do want to satisfy their men. Good. Healthy sex lives all around.

"Oral sex with my husband wasn't his cup o tea. He was a very sheltered boy growing up in a religious home where sex was taught to be hushed and masturbation un-pure. It's not that I am proud of my body as much as comfortable with myself because of the way my partner makes me feel. I get embarrassed more so of failure than anything. My confidence was taught, by my grammy. It's something I am proud of and I want to teach you, ladies." I go on to tell them of my first solo performance and how Grammy  V's words carried to my adulthood.

By the end, they all seemed happy to have attended and I was confident we did the right thing. I am slightly worried about the backlash of gossip getting to the church elders but, hey, I'm starting this place so they can recuse me if they seem fit. The strange feeling I had been having lately crawled back in my stomach. I helped clean up as quickly as I could before dismissing myself from Bryn's chatty mood about the ladies. "And Mrs. Johnson with her rabbit and a bullet, whao! She picked the toys with the loudest motors! Good thing she and Mr. Johnson are both 80 or she wouldn't be discreet!" I muster up a grin and leave.

I don't bother to call Sebastian I am going to express my feelings and handle this like adults. My mind seems to own a Betamax lately, memories run through my mind from start to finish as if I am Nancy Drew figuring out a mystery with the conclusion being Sebastian loves me and hates Anne. Loves me? Am I in love with him? He had already tried that line and I jumped his ass for it. I know I need to figure whatever it is out that's weighing in my guts because it's interfering with my social and business life. I haven't sold one pair of panties in a month and I forgot I was a drug user. That's a pro in all this aside from the obvious four pounds I stacked on. Maybe I do want to shout out to the world that I am in love with Sebastian Patrick. A smile forms on my face thinking these thoughts. Until I pull into his driveway behind Anne's beater. I sit while I wait for my adrenaline to stop shaking every limb on me and then I back out and drive to Helvetia. Why did he waste his time fighting for me? Did he ever feel any of those emotions? Or maybe she is in there playing a card. Maybe Sebastian should have not let her in. Sebastian has baggage.

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