Reformed

The Deacon looked so pitiful in bed; pale, thin and broken. I had never seen him so weak and it scared me. My husband was supposed to protect me and comfort me but I had become the protector and comforter.  I'd stopped all visitors so he could rest and not be reminded of his church duties. I just needed him to get better. I thought back to our conversation last night when I brought him home. My sins, my secrets, my panties. Surprisingly he barely showed any sort of shock himself. He always had known I was a sexual person. He was far from one. Two different sexual appetites in one marriage was nothing to get my panties in a bunch about, no pun intended. Selling them was another story. I promised I was done. Right now anything I did or said that pleased him seemed like he was getting healthier. Why did I do such things? I do love God and the church so why would I go against Him or my husband? I am so lucky this small town of Helvetia, West Virginia didn't know what I have been up too. I confessed to Bryn while updating her on the Deacon. She was not surprised. The Deacon wished he could please me and promised to try when he was better. I am looking forward to that.  Right now I am going to confessional. I have a lot of things Father Joplin would be joyful to hear.

After a wonderful church sermon and the Deacon's medicine, I sat in the bathtub trying to relax my tense muscles. Preston kept popping into my head and I just kept ignoring him. He doesn't belong there, the Deacon does. Sadly, the Deacon could no longer even be thought of  in my desires. I'd sworn off the incognito sites, I'd swore off the worn panties and I'd sworn off the revealing clothing. I was the Deacon's wife, in full uniform and mindset. I went to bed that night unsatisfied and indifferent. I didn't realize how indifferent until the next afternoon. It felt cumbersome walking back in the classroom. The children run ramped. Their voices echoed off the walls and I smiled. My first time as a teacher since my sweet Elijah left me. Left us. I somehow forgot the Deacon was his parent as well. I always find myself not wanting to share that privilege with him. Selfish. Halfway through class I get an interruption and rushed home. The Deacon lay in bed, barely conscious, sweating profusely. He looked like the Grimm Reaper had already visited. I threw myself on the bed as Dr. Naylor tried to inform me of what was happening. I didn't care to listen as I was sobbing too hard to hear. One last 'I love you' was all I was blessed with followed by 'Elijah'. Then my husband was gone. 

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