My Name is Liz

Laying here with the Deacon on top of me, trying to take my mind off his predictable, nothing-to-write-home-about performance, I imagine my body willingly submitting, welcoming an orgasm for a change. I think back to my previous lovers, realizing that I never really tried anything that was memorable. I gave myself to poor Travis. He was the handsome one, but at only fifteen he didn't know anything but blow his load then bounce. But even at thirteen I knew I wanted and I pushed the envelope at what my body was capable of. At that moment, I was finished being a child and vowed to never neglect my desires again. Travis broke up with me and moved on to other girls who didn't mind the disappointment of the nut and bolt. I saved myself for the next disappointment.  Enter Justin. Justin and I were not necessarily high school sweethearts, but he managed to fill my Friday nights with inadequacies and empty promises. If only he could get me off! I had to say goodbye to him before senior year. I wanted to keep my options open. Grammy Victoria always taught me to respect myself and my body. I would often see her in my head while keeping the goons at bay when they would try desperately to get my pants off.

"Elizabeth?", said the Deacon, snapping me back to reality. I smiled politely excusing myself to the bathroom hoping he would leave soon. I wish I could offer him oral sex, or even feel comfortable enough to take control. Grabbing his package with my hand and lowering my mouth just enough to see his reaction. What man wouldn't love their wife's mouth encompassing his member, sucking the very soul from his body? A Republican I'm sure. He'd never risk losing control over his woman. Could opening up the door to new sexcapades even be possible in our marriage? I knew the answer to my question but somehow the possibility was always lingering in the deepest caverns of my mind, giving me hope for the next time. I submit to my wifey duties. Submit. There's another wild turn on I wasn't aware I had. Google had opened a world of hidden desires I didn't know existed. I almost felt dirty after reading the whole two minutes of dominant and submissive relationships. "I'll see you shortly my sweet Elizabeth", the Deacon shouted. I didn't bother to respond because Elizabeth wasn't here.

Liz emerged from the bathroom wearing only her cotton thongs and went to the study for her laptop. Opening a new incognito tab, I came upon a site full of women I was sure were going to Hell. My frustration of boring sex and my lack of someone to calm my urges took over and by the time my hand made it down my panties, I was so turned on I was throbbing with carnal desire. It took maybe two strokes of my fingertip to satisfy myself.  I guess I could start a secret stash of dirty underwear.  I can't have my husband finding them. Why am I ashamed of this? I envied the nonreligious wives who lived and loved with wild abandon. I was so caught up in my memories of past lovers and how the path I chose has slammed those doors on the orgasms I so desperately craved now. I was oblivious to anyone around me as I walked home after the days events. I'd love to get caught up in my fantasies.  I very much enjoyed being that Sunday school teacher. I very much enjoyed the church with all it's good feelings of hope and faith. I just wish I would have stood up for myself and stated my conditions when the Deacon asked for my hand in marriage. I know I love him but I am starting to wish I had loved my needs and body's wants.  I am finally healthy enough to attend church.  After the incident that made me quit teaching, I often wondered the reason it happened. I often think what I would have done differently if given the chance. Travis popped in my head again, followed by Justin and then finally, Preston.

Preston reared his baby face when I started classes at the community college. He was a guy I wasn't ashamed to call my boyfriend. Handsome with a good head on his shoulders and a great future planned. Sex wasn't boring and no longer felt like a chore. He didn't mind being vocal when it came to our trysts. He actually made my libido tingle. He showed me how enjoyable oral could be for us both. He made my juices flow simply by texting to remind me that he enjoys our bedroom time. Maybe I took him for granted. Right now, I would swap the sweet Deacon for Preston's devilish
tongue. Preston seemed adventurous and I wanted to explore my body with him. The first time he placed his mouth around my breast it sent an electric shocks throughout my body. I could hardly wait to feel him inside of me. Getting me off was getting him off. Sometimes I wonder if Preston got married. I wonder if he ever reminisced about me as I did him.

Just then I was interrupted by the lumberjack rushing towards me. "Hi, ma'am. I'm going to be blunt and I don't care if you embarrass me or not. I need another pair. My wife almost caught me red handed with those panty's. I had to think quick and I tossed them out the window.", he proclaimed. I kept walking hoping I wasn't seen speaking to him. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. Having those  helped me perform when I was with my wife. She just lays there. I liked thinking about you before I put it in her." I continued to walk, shocked and jealous of how forward and vocal he was being with me. "I'll pay you. I'll pay you twenty five dollars. That's all I have on me." I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him. He knew he got my attention and smiled at me. "Elizabeth, right? Your name is Elizabeth?" I smirked back at him, feeling my body language shift. I leaned to the side and crossed my arms.

"Liz. My name is Liz"


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